On being bold

Oh shit, it’s another post. I originally wrote this in July but didn’t post. Oops. A lot has changed in the relationship department since then, but I still feel it’s important to share with my single friends! My single girls, this is for you. Enjoy my rant/ramblings about #singlelife.

This post is about intention, expectation, and living unapologetically. Warning in advance: this is roughly about my life as a single woman in SF. Enjoy. It’s not super raunchy, sorry.

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I’ve been trying a new thing lately. I’m trying to be bolder. I’m attempting to talk about things that make me uncomfortable, and honestly, just do more things that make me uncomfortable. Writing, or, well, posting what I write is uncomfortable. I used to write a LOT in my teenage years and into my early 20s. The posts died with my old myspace. RIP. 

So here I am doing this “uncomfortable” stuff. It’s a bit uncomfortable to write about personal stuff sometimes, but the more I do, the more I discover that others are going through the same thing. 

This theme or new motto started around April of this year. I remember telling myself I needed to be uncomfortable if I was going to change my life. My dating life sucked and so did my job. I mentioned my last one was terrible, which it was, but I didn’t mention the process for my new job (I recently passed six months!). 

Finding my new job was so UN. COMFY. It challenged me in a new way, but I kept coming back throughout the interview process like a crazy person. I’m better for it. This was sort of the re-start of this very intentional boldness of mine. Anyway, this post is less about the job thing and more about my personal life. For a long long time, I felt like a failure in my personal/dating life. I’ll share my thoughts with you in hopes that even one person can relate and maybe even find the boldness to expect more for themselves. Y’all curious? hold on. I’ll share some nuggets with you. 

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Let’s be real, nobody is busier than the person not interested in you. Let me just say it again in a different way, no one is busier than the person who doesn’t prioritize you. Period. Simple. That’s it. Please re-read that again in case you read it too fast. I want it to stick.

At the time of writing this, I’m on work day 14 of 10+ hour days. My free time is limited, but I’m making it work for the people that I care about. It’s not only super important for my soul, but I value my friends and really do want to be a part of their lives on a more than a superficial level. Sometimes this means I borrow from my sleep in exchange for more memories. I have absolutely zero regrets. It takes intention, but it’s worth it.
I share this because I feel it’s important. We skirt around this reality. We make excuses for people all of the time. If you think you don’t, you’re probably lying to yourself. This applies to friendships as well as dating “situations.” If you’re ok with not being a priority or being a second or third option, then so be it. It’s your choice. 

In my time being single in San Francisco I learned that the dating scene is abysmal. I had never felt so unenthused in my life. I felt like I was trying to sell myself like a fancy car … Of COURSE, I’m the newest model with the coolest features, right?!

duh.

What has the Marina done to me? Look up @overheardmarinasf on Instagram for a glimpse into what I mean. For the record, I do not consider myself to be like the average Marina chick at all. :-P 

I’ve been in SF for a year and a half. This was my experience: We swipe, we match, we probably don’t talk, or maybe we meet once. I delete the apps out of annoyance, get lonely, re-download, swipe, match, wash, rinse, and repeat. 

I went on a handful of first dates this year after really not dating much for the past few years. I wish I could say it was enlightening in a very positive way, but it wasn’t. I learned that I was too slow for the game. I tend to draw out the trial period beyond the acceptable limit. This is the time in which I decide if I’d like to see someone more than a couple of times. Pro-tip: don’t drag this out. 
You know what I said about being intentional, bold, and living unapologetically? Yeah, do that. Don’t wait for the guy to hit you up same day for a “date”. Don’t accept last-minute fill-in plans as the real thing. IF you’re looking for a hookup situation, then, by all means, embrace those half-assed DMs.

In that same vein, I would have never allowed a guy to hit me up once every few weeks when I was younger. That’s not really dating. Essentially, I was accepting scraps. I have a bad habit of seeing the best in people. I’ll see a glimmer of decency and throw away the rest. This is probably the one situation in which it’s not a good thing to only see the best in others.  

Be ok with it not working out. Don’t force it. Spend more time with friends. The good-good ones, the ones who know who you are when you have forgotten yourself, they’ll bring you back and set you straight.

The right person will come along and they’ll actually make real plans with you. I know you’re worth it. 

Ok, that’s all I’ve got. Here’s me being a bit vulnerable about something that has been relevant to my life for a very, very long time. :) 

Cheers!

Melissa